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Friday, May 29, 1998

Bring in the Chivalry

GENDER: Drastically different from medieval notions of chivalry, modern definitions acknowledge discrepancies and update proper etiquette between the sexes

By Michelle Navarro

Daily Bruin Senior Staff

The evening was perfect. The candles burned bright, conversation flowed with ease and the dinner was delicious. It was the best a first date could go.

He sits back in his chair and she smiles with contentment. Then the waiter brings the check to the table.

Neither picks it up.

Her eyes dart from the check to him; his eyes skirt around the room. An awkward silence settles and the check still sits. Who is going to pay?

Beyond the aftermath of the women's movement and women's liberation, confusion is now settling in. Is the chivalrous approach the way to go, or is it a major insult to her?

In the late '60's and early '70's, women cried out for complete equality between the sexes. But during the decades which have passed, it appears a general acceptance that the two sexes are different has sunk in.

"In the women's liberation, they wanted things to be absolutely equal," said Michael Suman, professor for the communications studies department. "I think that's wrong and harmful, we should celebrate the things that are different."

One traditional way men have differed from women is in the idea of chivalry.

He opens the door, pushes in her chair, pays for dinner - basically placing her on a pedestal. Interestingly enough, this modern ideal is a huge stretch from what it originally was.

Back in the medieval days of noble men and fair ladies, chivalry was actually the code of behavior of mounted warriors, or knights.

"(Chivalry) was their ability to fight very well, not courtly behavior," said Patrick Geary, director of the Center for Medieval and Renaissance Studies. "In the medieval context, it means he can really swing a sword while riding a horse."

It wasn't until the Middle Ages that the chivalry ideal expanded to include a kind of refined behavior toward unarmed people and ... women.

"Those values of chivalry always placed a tremendous distance between men and women," Geary said, explaining that the behavior was aimed "toward women who were seen as weak and unable to take care of themselves." The male was the protector and the governor.

Chivalry kept changing to fit the times - but it always meant men were taking care of women, in big and small ways.

Now, in the dregs of the 21st century, the chivalric standard might be changing again. Some elements will remain, and others will be left in the dust.

"The ideal that women are helpless and men should take care of them in a protective way, I think, is dying out," Geary said.

Perhaps that is because women aren't "helpless" anymore.

"I don't object when a man opens the door for me," said Ruth Bloch, head of the women's studies program, who also added that some of her colleagues might object. "Politeness and courtesy are important, but when there is an implied condescension in the act, I think it is a destruction in the position of women."

It's no secret that gender roles have changed within the past 30 years. Women are a major part of the work force and are making money for themselves.

With an income of their own, women are now able to pay for dinner or even go dutch. Everyone is conscious of this, but again there is the confusion of what should be done.

"On the first date I'll pay, because I'm the one who usually initiates contact" said Jamahl Melton, a UCLA history alum. "After that, it comes down to who asks who out."

It appears that financially, the sexes are equal - so out go the free dinners.

"I like it when a woman will say she'll pay for something," Suman said. "When it comes to sharing expenses, I'm sure guys don't mind."

Of course, the prospect of a free dinner is hard to let go. When Suman mentioned going dutch on dates, the females in the hall reacted with shock. However so, since women are more economically stable, what money can buy is slowly seeping out of the definition of chivalry.

"Chivalry is seen when a man romances his significant other," said Michelle Reidt, a third-year applied math student. "It could be with materialistic items, but personally, I feel it is a man going out of the way to show how much he loves the woman he is with."

So how about those other "little things" the chivalrous must do? Well, the responsibility is also shifting in the direction of women.

"If a man holds the door open for a woman, why shouldn't a woman do the same for a man?" asked Geary.

However, Suman sees male chivalrous acts being returned by women in a different way. He says because women and men are not the same, they show their love in their respective ways.

"Maybe men are on average bigger than women, so they should open doors," Suman reasoned. "Men can go out of their way and women reciprocate in different ways. That makes sense to me."