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Monday, 6/30/97 Bruin Talk TALK: Pondering Bruin pride, the WNBA, height discrimination, sage advice and a hodge-podge of other news

Well Bruins, this is my first official column - what that means I really don't know. As of now, I'm only writing for the summer ... so if you like what I do, e-mail the Daily Bruin about it, and we'll see if I can work my way onto the fall schedule ... For those reading my column, you may recognize, if you had read the Los Angeles Times sports page, it's in the style of the late Allan Malamud ... What I'm trying to do is make a coherent mish-mash of the events and happenings around our campus, L.A. and the world (which of course revolves around UCLA) ... Some may ask, "What makes me qualified to write this?" That's something I don't really have the answer to ... However, I claim to have figured out the secrets to women, school and life: whether you can handle 12 or 16 units, a job to pay for a date (or rent) and the torment of asking someone out ... And yet I make the same mistakes over and over again. And life ... life really is like a box ... of experiences ... (And all my friends thought I was going to say 'La vida es como una caja de chocolates ...') The fact is - even though I claim to be - nobody's perfect. But it's those experiences and imperfections that shape our lives ... and just because we don't have the perfect relationship or grades doesn't really mean a thing ... it just means we're normal ... What connects us all are our experiences as Bruins ... Whether you're still in orientation, summer school or hold a job on campus, we're all Bruins, we all bleed the Blue and Gold, and if you stop for a minute from trying to be an individual, or only hanging out with a certain "cool" group, you'll realize that we have something in common for the next four, five, six or for some seven years ... a bond that will never break ... unless of course you flunk out of school ... I hear there's a University for Stupid Children downtown... * * * The inauguration of the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) and the older but lesser known American Basketball League (ABL), the two professional women's basketball leagues, mark the arrival of equal opportunity in sports ... Unfortunately two pro-leagues dilute the wealth of talent, as witnessed by the sloppy play in the first week of the WNBA games ... Fans and pundits probably expected too much from the new league, thus causing intense pressure among the players, but the fact remains eight of the 12 members of the undefeated 1996 U.S. Olympic team play in the ABL ... Thus, only one league can survive: The talent-starved WNBA, or the sponsor-starved ABL ... Michelle Tims of the WNBA's Phoenix Mercury is likely to emerge as the first fan favorite ... she plays like Jason Kidd, and has the personality of Dennis Rodman ... * * * The ethnic and gender stuff is all people seem to care about ... Unfortunately one minority group that includes men, women, African Americans, Latinos, Asians and just about every other ethnic or gender population, is severely underrepresented ... the vertically-challenged ... The vertically-challenged only have Muggsy Bogues, Spud Webb, Michael J. Fox and Napoleon (but he was a tyrant) to look up or down to ... Too often we watch basketball games where someone 6 feet tall like John Stockton, Tim Hardaway or Kevin Johnson are addressed as the "littlest man on the court." The vertically challenged are an underprivileged minority - emphasis on under - with needs to be addressed ... To combat this problem I would like to see Title IX and a half on the ballot, and as the sports leader of the world, it's up to UCLA to set the trend ... Title IX has already been viewed as a stepping stone towards gender equality in college sports as women have moved into the professional ranks of the basketball and boxing world ... Three sports that would revolutionize the sports world are already present at other major schools, but have mysteriously disappeared from UCLA, like wrestling and gymnastics ... and even horse racing ... Horse racing may be a stretch, but with Hollywood Park so close by, at the collegiate level it could very well prove to be a successful gender-blind sport, while at the same time give the vertically-challenged an advantage ... Wrestling ... UCLA disbanded its program in the '80s, but don't discount the appeal of women's wrestling ... in the Midwest, many universities like the University of Iowa, have been able to put together successful women's teams ... Serious wrestling lovers and the over-hormonally challenged would flock to fill Pauley Pavilion ... UCLA might even be able to compete with those Hollywood and airport area joints ... Gymnastics ... wait a second ... didn't UCLA have two gymnastics teams that won championships last year? Yes! Unfortunately the men's team was reduced to a club team in 1994, and later disbanded ... So, while the women's team (that ranges from 4'9" to 5'4") continues to thrive, the vertically-challenged males no longer have the opportunity to show off their athletic prowess ... * * * Since this is my first column I would like to start the tradition of the official no-prize. Believe it or not there are actually things I'm sure that we are all wondering about, but just don't know, so here's your opportunity to contribute to the knowledge of studentkind. The first no-prize will go to the first person who can tell me what the hell "MMMBop" is about ... Just e-mail me ... Anyway, till next time ... A.J. Harwin Harwin is God's gift to women - at least that's what his grandmother said. He can be reached at aharwin@media.ucla.edu