• printer friendly
• mail this article
• iPod format
• digg

Ladies listen up, this one is for you. With the Super Bowl just two days away, you’ve probably begun to solidify your plans for the big game. Parties will be held and friends will gather: It’s just what you do on Super Bowl Sunday.

Even if you couldn’t care less who wins the game, you’ll join your guy friends, boyfriends or whatever they are, just to be part of the action.

Luckily, the Super Bowl has become more of an event than a game, with exciting commercials and halftime shows that will keep you entertained.

It’s hard not to have fun Sunday, unless of course your team loses.

But what you non-sports fans may not know is that those who actually do care about the game need their own optimal viewing conditions to enjoy it. There are guidelines and restrictions to follow, so you don’t distract fans from the action, and most importantly, so you don’t embarrass yourself.

So to help you out, here are five tips to follow when you sit down with the guys Sunday:

1. Please, no comments about the colors of a team’s jerseys. This is easily one of the biggest game-watching fouls you can commit. While it may seem like a plausible reason to you, there in fact is absolutely no way a team’s jerseys will in any way affect the play or the outcome of the game. If anything, saying something like that will only hinder your chances of being respected for the rest of the game.

2. Don’t comment on a player’s good looks. For the most part, football is a guy’s game, and unfortunately you just have to deal with it. It’s a territorial thing, so this means they don’t want women to “girl-it-up,” as they say, with constant chatter about who’s cute and who’s not. I know this seems unfair, and it is, but that’s football.

2a. In keeping with the traditions of the previous two, try and keep the useless babble to an absolute minimum.

Refrain from the questions like, “Who just scored?” or “Was that a good thing that just happened?” Leave it to the people who know what’s going on. If you really don’t understand the game, just cheer when everyone else cheers. This also includes rooting against the team everyone else is, just to “keep it fair.”

3. Beer, beer and more beer. When watching sports in general, you absolutely cannot have any type of mixed drinks, wine, or anything with fruit for that matter. Light beer is acceptable, as long as it’s beer. Oh, and absolutely no Smirnoff Ice. Simply put, it’s poor taste.

4. No PDAs. If you’re watching the game with your man, just watch it and let him be. Not only will it irk your guy, but it will also annoy everyone else. The game will be over in five hours so put all hand-holding, hugging and snuggling on hold until then.

5. Don’t ask to be taken home early. If you’re not having fun or not enjoying the game, don’t ask someone who is, to give you a ride home. No one wants to miss the game, so try and make prior arrangements if you think you’ll have to make an early exit.

The only possible exception is if the game is a total blowout, and by the fourth quarter there’s absolutely no hope of a comeback. But even that’s iffy.

Now you’re probably thinking these guidelines hinge on the sexist side, and you’re right, they do. But understand, as women we’re the outsiders, and in order to be included, we have to fit in the best we can. Yes, there are tons of ladies who know sports just as well as the guys do. But the majority don’t, and that’s acceptable, too.

But compare it to hanging out with the girls and having one of the guys tagging along – do you want belches at dinner? Probably not. You’re going to hang with men, so be mindful of their ways as they would in the opposite situation.

So when Sunday rolls around, stick to these steps, and you’ll enjoy the show.

Sports fans, tell Bach what you think about her tips. E-mail her at jbach@media.ucla.edu