I love the Oxygen Network.
I know, it’s an entire channel dedicated to women’s programming, but I can’t get enough of it.
It doesn’t stop there. I live for Lifetime original programing. Every Sunday night, I drop whatever I’m doing to watch those “Desperate Housewives” over on Wisteria Lane. If you put Shane (the butch hot girl from “The L Word”), Tyra (creator and star of “America’s Next Top Model”) and Oprah in a room with me, I’d probably explode. No, I’d be way too excited to explode. I would implode.
When it comes to television for women, I’m all over it. And it’s all I watch lately. Go ahead, check my VCR. The manliest thing you’ll find on my TV screen is “Xena: Warrior Princess.”
But has all this mushy, gushy, Lilith Fair lesbian-lovin’ television made me less of a man? Shouldn’t the only “fishy” thing about my television time be the Pro Bass Fishing Network?
Yes. At least that’s what my friends keep telling me.
Most of us men grew up in a house where the only four-letter word allowed to be uttered was ESPN. I hear it all the time: Guys are supposed to like halftime reports and barbecues, and girls are supposed to like cooking shows and makeovers.
But I really think that with all this special programming for the sexes, men are really missing out on a lot of good stuff. And it’s about time we started realizing why these “chick shows” are totally worth skipping a baseball game or two every now and again.
First off, females are funny. Who knew after generations of hiding in men’s shadows that women were actually funny? But have you seen that Ellen? Girlfriend can tell a joke like nobody’s business. Sometimes I laugh so hard, I burn so many calories that I don’t even need to go to the gym. If more men watched “Ellen,” we wouldn’t need bench presses anymore.
And speaking of lesbians, that brings me to my next point – these women shows can be super-sexy. I mean, have you seen “The L Word?”
With a show like this, your sexual orientation doesn’t matter. Not when each episode starts out with a steamy same-sex love-fest, starring a cast that epitomizes today’s hippest styles mixed with a touch of class.
Women might have been the object of many men’s desires throughout time, but when they start being the object of each other’s desire in shows like this, people start realizing just how cool and powerful a bunch of dykes hanging out in the middle of a gay-guy mecca like West Hollywood can really be.
But I think the most important reason that every guy should give women’s programing a chance is because it’s so real. If you’ve seen “Oprah After the Show,” you know just what I mean. Oprah struts out on stage, kicks off her shoes and has almost-candid conversations with her guests about issues women face in their everyday lives. Real issues. Issues that I, as a guy, can’t relate to at all.
And that’s what makes it so good. Since I can’t relate to the topics they deal with on these shows, I don’t have to think about my own life.
Abortion? Body image issues? Love? These are topics are as foreign to me as great literature, rocket science and the dynamics of international politics. It’s like a vacation for the male mind.
Let’s be honest: We men are never going to understand women. And there’s really no reason we should try to, because if we do, we’ll only lose sight of the one thing that is truly special about the division between the sexes: ignorance.
So the next time you’re channel-flipping and stumble across Oprah discussing the hardships of motherhood or why he’s “just not that into you,” give it a chance. Because real men don’t just breathe oxygen; they watch it, too.
E-mail Scott atjscott@media.ucla.edu.