• printer friendly
• mail this article
• iPod format
• digg

Photo

Last Saturday night it was pouring rain, but three of our group of five being British, a little precipitation wasn’t going to keep us from a night on the town.

We jumped out of the cab, rushed to the umbrella-protected line, and as we entered Prey, we realized it was an Asian club – and all of us are white.

Throughout a night of dancing and chatting, I went from feeling sorely out of place to fitting right in. The mid-’90s hip-hop made me feel nostalgic for junior high dances and kept us all shakin’ on the dance floor, and a random conversation with a stranger definitely made my night.

A nice guy came over to chat, and when I told him I’m studying English and Jewish studies at UCLA, he asked if I was a “MOT.”

“What’s a MOT?” I asked.

“Member of the tribe!” he replied.

“Yes,” I said, and smiled.

Immediately, we were laughing hysterically at the fact that my new friend was teaching me a Jewish acronym. I told him I felt a little out of place being at Prey and not being Asian.

He then noted that he “worked with (my) people” at Cedars-Sinai, and that I eat Chinese food on Christmas, right?

“Of course, every year.”

Our conversation may have been a superficial exchange, but it made me realize, again, the racial and ethnic geographical and social division of Los Angeles, and on a smaller scale, UCLA.

On this campus, the result of diversity is, often in a social sense, very divided. And while finding a racial or ethnic social scene where you feel like the majority instead of the minority is incredibly valuable and warranted, when that group becomes exclusive, we all suffer.

As social scenes often dictate dating decisions, it can be extremely limiting to say you will only date others of your ethnicity – or as my experience shows, to only go to clubs where you feel you would “belong.”

Dating is often formally organized by ethnicity by belonging to an exclusive online dating service, or is informally facilitated by your social circle or strongly imposed by your parents.

UCLA is simultaneously strengthened by its social composition of clubs representing numerous cultural and ethnic groups and divided at times by social segregation. The tension between holding a strong cultural or racial identity and dating someone of another background often arises at home, when parents expect (or demand) cultural homogeneity from their children.

But when most college relationships don’t turn into marriage, the assimilation argument is a pretty weak reason not to enter into relationships of mixed race, ethnicity or faith. We can learn so much from one another – and see how similar we are as human beings – if we don’t write others off because they’re “not like us.”

Acquainting someone else with your background and beliefs can help you strengthen your own cultural identity and can instill a sense of pride in sharing your traditions.

Personality qualities and the ability to get along are far more important than finding someone whose ethnicity check box mirrors your own.

Bonos is the 2004-2005 managing editor and the product of an interfaith marriage. E-mail her at lbonos@media.ucla.edu.